Where It All Began and Being Competitive

The Ninja Midnight 5k was when the idea of a blog about quirks was suggested. It is amazing how quickly a year can pass us by and what can all happen in just one year.  My friend Falon and I ran the Ninja Midnight 5k again this year, but we were without our dear friend Lisa.  Last year we were all fired up about planning our glow wear and how we were going to eat hashbrowns afterwards.  Before we knew it, the race was here and we didn't have our glow wear planned and Lisa was in Memphis.  Falon and I tried to recruit some new pals (you know who you are) but in the end, it was just her and I.  Next year people, next year! We talked, we ran, we ran and talked, we finished, we enjoyed, and we went home. Despite our fatigue and sinus problems, we were glad we did it!

 

 

So, a year can pass by quickly.  Tomorrow it will be one year since I ran the Dubuque Classic 5k and actually placed. I had a unintentional great running season last year. I have shared time and time again, that my first years of running were horrid.  I can't even call them years of running. They were purely years of whining with some movement slightly faster than a walk. Then I entered my first race and my goal was to make it to mile 2 and then walk.  Then the goal became to finish a 5k without walking at all.  After that the goal was to do slightly better than I had done the previous race.  Then last year I not only completed a half marathon, but I placed TWICE.  I placed first in my age group at the Dubuque Classic 5k and then I was the first female to finish during the Frosty Frenzy in West Branch.  Talk about a runner's high!  Last year was the perfect year for someone who is competitive. 

 

Unfortunately, being competitive can bite you in the ass at some point.  Well mine has been bitten, because I have spent this ENTIRE year of running being highly disappointed in myself.  I feel as if I need to be running as good,  if not BETTER than last year.  What this does is create a mental block, which does not end well.  Last year's time at the Dubuque Classic 5k:

 

30-34 Age Group

1. Amber Cook 24:41:50

 

I don't think I have broke 25 minutes in a 5k once this year and WHY does it matter?!?! My brain seems to think it matters and I continue to have to fight this horrible way of thinking and will have to get this straightened out by TOMORROW when I run this race again.

 

I also decided to review what my goal for 2012 was on Dailymile.  This is what I wrote:

Miles:

679 total / 303 in 2012

Goal:

To run a PR in a half marathon and to continue to find the joy in running and what it has to offer!

 

What I learned from this research is that NOWHERE did I write that I needed to be as good or better than last year. I did run a PR in a half marathon, but did not continue to find the joy in running and what it has to offer. I have struggled a lot this year with feeling unmotivated and injured and it is time to stop whining and just run, because I can. We all have good days and we all have bad days and that is OK!

 

Overall, being competitive IS a good thing.  It is what helps people become motivated and move forward. I have witnessed so many friends go from thinking, "running sucks" to "hey, I think I kind of like this and I feel better when I do it!" I love reading their progress and hearing their stories, especially what drives them to push harder. It is time for me to find the joy in running and what it has to offer...again.

 



 

Separation Anxiety

Over the weekend my father and I decided we suffer from "Separation Anxiety". In our world, "separation anxiety" occurs when we open up that container of sour cream, chip dip, or yogurt and see that layer of liquid that has separated itself from the actual contents of the container. Once we witness this, we are finished.

Telling us to "just stir it" or "just pour out the liquid" does not help. Makes me gag and inquire, "is this old?" every single time.

Always Looking for Cameras

I often find myself in situations that are often referred to as, "A Seinfeld Episode".  Other times I inquire, "Am I being Punk'd?" and "Are there TV cameras?".  Tonight I searched the rafters of Lindale Mall for television cameras. I couldn't decide if I was on "What Would You Do?", "Punk'd", or "Boiling Point". 

Let's back up. A few months ago I had the unfortunate experience of having one of my eyebrows waxed off.  I always feared this could happen, and sure enough, it did.  I have always thought about getting my eyebrows threaded.  I have walked by the kiosk a few times and wondered what the heck it was all about.  When I shared my eyebrow experience, a Facebook Friend highly recommended threading (you know who you are) and because I take her recommendations with high regards (this is how I ended up with a fabulous hair dresser), I decided tonight would be the night.

I strolled through the mall hoping that little kiosk still existed. I did not see it so I took a look at the directory and realized I had walked past it.  It was no longer a tiny kiosk, but a nice large area that looked like a mini salon!  I walked over to it and there I noticed a notebook. The notebook read (in very messy handwriting), "I will be back in 5 minutes". Below that were two phone numbers to call.  I immediately looked up into the rafters for cameras. I dawdled for quite some time pretending to be interested in whatever I could find on the counter and eventually gave up to browse the kitchen store nearby. After about 10 minutes I noticed another woman standing at the threading station and so I walked over.  She immediately pointed out the oddity and humor of the notebook and I knew it would be worth hanging around to wait.  She seemed like good people. After another 10 minutes she decided she was brave enough to call the top number listed.  Someone answered and when questioned how long it would be she said, "I will be right there. I am downstairs".  I said, "I hope she isn't wasted when she arrives. I might STILL end up with one eyebrow!" After 10 MORE minutes and us looking once again for cameras, the woman decided to call the OTHER number.  After a brief conversation she said, "I think that was the boss!".  I turned to her and said, "Great, now she is going to be wasted AND angry! We will for sure leave without any eyebrows!".  We decided this was our cue to leave. 

Although, I think my cue to leave was the notebook with a handwritten note.

Never Give Up

"But it is crooked!" This is what I heard through tears from the playroom.  Cooper likes to write down all of the dinosaurs that ever lived from A-Z onto his white board.  He does this over and over again. We have stacks of this kind of work completed on individual pieces of paper.  Papers we are forbidden to recycle, despite the fact there are nearly 50 of them. Cooper has caught wind of our slight frustration of having to do something with these pieces of paper, so he has decided to use the white board.  Good problem solving.

This morning Cooper wanted to write smaller. He also created a pattern with his markers to better organize his work.  What started to happen was, each time he wrote a dinosaur name, it started to trail into a downward curve. Each new name was increasingly worse.  Cooper erased his work twice to start over and I am certain his anxiety levels were intensifying with each "do over".  Soon the tears started, so I went into the room.  He said, "I am SO SO frustrated because my work is not straight and it keeps getting worse and worse! Pretty soon it will be a circle!".  I get it. I remember feeling that way and so I tried my best to help and encourage him.  I could have told him what an awesome job he was doing, but compliments do not help when you have a certain picture in your head as to what your project SHOULD look like.

I decided to use an index card to draw straight lines for him to write on.  Cooper was apprehensive because according to him, he should be able to do it the other way, but he tried it.  New tears were accompanied with, "now everytime I write a dinosaur name the side of my hand wipes away part of the lines below and when I fill them in, it doesn't look right!". This plan was not a success.  Meltdown.

"I am just having a really rough morning. I am SO SO frustrated!".  My response was, "maybe you should step away from this for a few moments, get something to eat, and try again later".  Yeah, that didn't work.  In the mind of someone with obsessive compulsive traits, the project is started and must be finished immediately.  I admitted to Cooper that although I remember feeling the way he was, I wasn't sure how to help him.  He said, "I have two options mom. To start ALL over again or just GIVE UP!".   I looked very seriously at him and said, "NEVER give up. That is not an option.  You can start over or find a different way to complete your task".

Cooper took a deep breath and said, "I think what I need is just some paper with lines". I suggested a notebook and thankfully found one.  He labeled the outside, "Cooper's Dinosaur Book" and proceeded to write all of the dinosaurs on earth from A-Z.  No more curved words, no more half erased lines, and no more pieces of paper floating around our house. Despite the drama. I think the morning was a success for now, and for his future.

It's Back....

That is all.

Sensory Overload

Today is a rest day as far as my half marathon training.  Rest days are fantastic not only because you don't have to worry about getting up before work to run or finding a time to run after work, but it feels well earned. It is an accomplishment.

Last night the first thing I had to do was run. Yes, it was part of the training plan, but it was for me to let the stress sweat away.  Starting a new job and all of the logistics that have to happen before you can actually work with kids is a little draining for me.  OK, very draining for me. SO, I run to release stress, yet I think about 8,000 things while doing so. By the way, 8,000 is the number I use for EVERYTHING when exaggerating. We have a bond.

Curious George is a favorite show in our house.  Cooper and Collin came downstairs to watch me run. What that really means is, turn up the TV to drown out the treadmill and run around like crazy taking out EVERY toy known to man. So here I am with my ipod playing loudly, the sound of the treadmill, Curious George as loud as possible, and children trying to talk to me as if I can hear every word they are saying. It is amazing how with all of that going on how clear the feeling of dying while running can seem.  I decided to add one more component to this situation and that was to watch Curious George. You see, Professor Wiseman was training for a marathon and Curious George was helping her. For some reason it was nice watching her struggle. It looked similar to how I was feeling at the time. During this time I was able to switch songs often on my ipod and when I found something I liked, really listened to the words and musicality.

All of a sudden with every step there was a SUPER bright light that flashed into my eyes. It started to make me feel like I was having a stroke. Was it happening? Was I going to be one of those people who DIES while running? Then I focused and saw Collin staring at the TV with his mouth hanging open and an LED flashlight drooping in his hand pointed right at me.  Of course I tried to shout at him, but that required breath I didn't have! I finally got his attention and he turned it off.

Soon Professor Wiseman was crossing the finish line and I realized I had hit the 3 mile mark so I hit stop and stood there looking like a sweaty mess.  How was it that through ALL of that sensory input was I still able to feel like my stress was washed away?! And I honestly felt great!  The human race is capable of processing so much more than we can even realize. 

The last thought that crossed my mind..."Is Professor Wiseman the girlfriend of the man with the yellow hat or not?!" They never really say!



Grandma K.

Two years ago today our family lost a very important person.  It all still seems so fresh in my mind and I am certain in the minds of the rest of the family.  This particular side of the family likes to make an entrance it seems. Matt has always made jokes such as, "Nice haircut. Will your family all get together to celebrate?"  When something happens with my mother's side of the family, whether big or what seems to be small to some, everyone does their best to be there. As with all families, there can be a lack of communication and disagreements, but always in the end we ALL come together.  This is why when I have a birthday party for the boys, the guest list is so large. It is how we work, whether people understand it or not.

This was no different during Grandma's last days.  I think our family took up an entire wing of the hospital.  Sometimes we were all there and sometimes we took shifts so SOMEONE was there by her side.  I think we all learned a lot about Grandma and each other during that time.  I never realized after all of these years her middle name was Leona. Some of us cousins talked about anything and everything from Ghost Hunters to the cost of braces these days, to what stood out about Grandma.  Stronger bonds between cousins and aunts were made as well.

When I would visit Grandma her first statement would be, "Get in here! I want to see what color your hair is THIS time!". Whether blonde or bright purple, she always complimented...never judged.  She always said, "to each their own". For someone of her age, she sure had an open-mind. She loved each and every one of us unconditionally.  I also remember staying at her house and her making me breakfast.  That is when I learned that a small amount of milk on my raisin spice or maple and brown sugar oatmeal was just what it needed.  To this day, I add a small amount of milk to the boys' oatmeal and they too love it.  These are just a couple of fond memories of a wonderful person.

She is always there. Her presence is made known in various ways.  To some this may sound crazy, but she leaves us dimes. We find them in the strangest places and during stressful times. Once I had one fly out of the washing machine at me.  This was after I was feeling overwhelmed with things at home.  I think, too, this was her way of saying, "take better care of your washing machine!". Grandma K. always cleaned her washing machine after each use!

That being said...WE MISS YOU GRANDMA K.!

Cooper and I holding Grandma's hand during her last hours

Collin holding her hand. At that time the youngest family member had connected with the oldest family member one last time.