I Am A "Bleeding Heart" Liberal

It has been years since I've written anything. For some reason life has been a little crazy since finding out we were having triplets, which took our family of 4 to a family 7 in a blink of an eye.

Despite the title of my post, this isn't about defending where I stand politically.  Definitions of liberals and conservatives have been created decades ago.  I am no less guilty than anyone else when I hear liberal or conservative and already "think" I know what that stands for.

I've spent the past couple of days on an emotional roller coaster. I hate roller coasters, which is why I don't get on them. Last night on my way home from class, I realized something. WHY am I allowing myself to be on THIS roller coaster? What is this gaining?

The answers are clear.

Anger

Doubt

Fear

Disappointment

Anxiety

I don't know about you, but I do not like these feelings, therefore it is time to let them go. Time to practice what Matt and I do at home when things seem out of control.  One of us will say "perspective check!" and then we find the silver lining in our situation and move forward.

I keep holding faith that everything is just really raw right now.  That it will simmer down, but at the same time, I just don't know!  I feel like this has been the most cruel and hateful election yet, and I am talking about ALL sides.  Why? Why is this one so much more toxic?  Here are my theories.

The media, which includes social media. This was not around as much in the beginning of politics. People debated, no doubt. However, it was face to face. It was healthy. Could it become violent? I am sure in some cases, yes, but it upheld the original definition of debate. I know for me, when I am face to face with someone, I am interacting with a human being. Nothing else matters, other than they are a human being whom I respect and can carry on a reciprocal conversation with.  When we debate online (and I found myself doing this the other day), we forget the face. We forget the person. We are only looking at the text. Text, by the way, that historically can be easily misconstrued because of the absence of vocal inflection, vocal compassion, a healthy voice of debate.  How many cases of cyber bullying have we seen in recent years between children? They say what they think, hit send, and don't look back. They don't see the faces, the reactions, the human being.  I don't know how you feel, but right now social media is saturated with cyber bullying. Between ADULTS. Again, this is happening between all political stances.

Do I feel disappointment and confusion regarding who won?  Of course!  Do I feel disappointment and confusion when I see people who sit on the same political side as me protesting for the third night in a row, in which some cases have been violent and disgusting? Yes. We don't act this way when the opposing football team wins despite questionable or "unfair" calls from the referees.  Students don't act this way when someone they didn't vote for is now the class president. The media holds SO.MUCH.POWER. It is disgusting. Our children see this and are learning!  We are good people and amazing parents and it is scary to think that no matter how many morals and values we instill in our children, the media has a good chance of winning.  The media picks and chooses what it wants to show us. They are strategic. They thrive on our emotional reactions.  We can fact check until we are blue in the face, but do we ever REALLY know the truth?

A classmate of mine shared that her morals and values are comprised of two questions. Is it necessary?  Is it kind?  I need to follow her way of thinking. What I also learned that night is everyone's morals and values are different. Our morals and values are based on experiences with family, people, and life and should not be downplayed or judged.  Facebook is quite the hot spot for judging, whether you are a liberal, conservative, or independent.  We are all guilty in some capacity. People don't talk on the phone anymore. People will almost always choose text over human contact, which leads me to this. Is Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton or Barack Obama REALLY to blame for where our culture has evolved?  Or is it our need as a culture to have more, be more, get more? Is it our need to have instant gratification? Is it our need to have things fixed RIGHT NOW?  Is it our need to be right?  These are questions I ask myself.

An old college friend of mine has recently inspired me and many others more than I think she will ever realize. Her perspective check is to take action in the form of what can SHE do to support the people she feels are being unsupported. I always look forward to her status updates.  She is amazing.

Here is my perspective check.  Instead of taking the outcome of the election as a loss I am going to try and look at it as a win.  Discussions regarding female rights, the LGBTQ community, and other topics us bleeding heart liberals stand for, have been at an all time high.  At least these topics are being talked about and recognized, even if it isn't the most positive. Awareness is what gets results. How can those of us who have strong beliefs in whatever topic it is, create positive action?  Again, all political sides.

I get it. It is hard. It is really hard to not let anger, doubt, fear, disappointment, and anxiety take over. It is really hard to look at people we thought we knew really well in a different light. It is hard to not take posts online personally.

We are a resilient. We are human. When anxiety goes up, productivity goes down. All we can do right now is let our new president elect get to work. Until then I think the best thing we can do is stop letting media hold so much power, love with all that we have, and ask ourselves. Is it kind? Is it necessary? And what can I do to make a difference? As my college friend above stated. Lots of small things can lead to big things.

Side note: Social media will continue to be a focal point for many people. Can someone invent different fonts? Like sarcasm font? Or this is written with love and respect font?  Maybe that will help with our emotional reactions to statements online.

Finally, always remember:

Instead, set up a coffee date with a friend, family member, or co-worker.  See each other's faces. What we feel does not need to be broadcast for validity. Debate, talk, reason, and love. We don't have to rely on the president elects, whether Democrat or Republican to bring us together as people.

Learn How To Be Bored!

Wow. It has been a LONG time since I've written anything.  Life sure gets away from a person, that is for sure.  My latest rant, it seems, is the concept of being bored and dealing with it.  If you ask my children, namely my oldest, "What is your mom trying to teach you these days?", he would say in an annoyed tone, "How to be bored". 

We have a rule at our house. No electronics (DS or Kindle) on weeknights and at social gatherings. It seems everywhere we go, all I see are the tops of people's heads because of the increased use of technology.  It also makes me sad when during performances, people are more interested in their technology than what is happening right in front of them. Matt and I choose the penny phone every time it is time to get new phones. Let me call and text, and I am good to go.   I do have to admit a smartphone of sorts would be handy during road trips when Matt and I have differing answers/opinions to a question.  For now, we just phone a friend...or ask Cooper.

Anyway, we've been to different gatherings where there is idle time and during that time, several passive comments are made over and over again. "SURE wish I had my DS", "The Kindle would be handy right now", "Wish I had something to do, like the DS or the Kindle". My response is always the same. "Learn how to be bored!". This happens at Church, and while we are waiting for almost anything that takes longer than a few minutes and it drives me nuts!  The difficult part is trying to explain why every other child surrounding us during events are using tablets and other technology. Then I realized that I don't need to explain "why" the other kids get to do that because that is the choice of that family. What I need to do is explain "why" I feel the way I do about the situation. 

Poor Cooper has to withstand my random rants. He looks up at me with those big, round, now hazel colored eyes and I know he is thinking, "This is it. She has officially fallen off of the deep end!" The latest rant happened at Muffins with Moms. I was one of the helpers and in between cleaning up and the bell ringing for the school day to start, Cooper had to deal with some idle time.  After about a minute it started. "Now would be a REALLY good time to play my DS, if I had it".  I turned around and said, "Cooper, you need to learn how to do what?!" He says, following a sigh, "Be bored".  He then asked, "What does that even mean?".  That is when I explained the concept of doing nothing and dealing with it.  I told him how when I was younger you just had to sit, be patient, be bored, and deal with it.  I told him I felt it was a good skill to learn because eventually it will help him with attention span, ability to regulate in uncomfortable situations, and just "be". 

It is official. He thinks I am crazy and I am OK with that.

Where It All Began and Being Competitive

The Ninja Midnight 5k was when the idea of a blog about quirks was suggested. It is amazing how quickly a year can pass us by and what can all happen in just one year.  My friend Falon and I ran the Ninja Midnight 5k again this year, but we were without our dear friend Lisa.  Last year we were all fired up about planning our glow wear and how we were going to eat hashbrowns afterwards.  Before we knew it, the race was here and we didn't have our glow wear planned and Lisa was in Memphis.  Falon and I tried to recruit some new pals (you know who you are) but in the end, it was just her and I.  Next year people, next year! We talked, we ran, we ran and talked, we finished, we enjoyed, and we went home. Despite our fatigue and sinus problems, we were glad we did it!

 

 

So, a year can pass by quickly.  Tomorrow it will be one year since I ran the Dubuque Classic 5k and actually placed. I had a unintentional great running season last year. I have shared time and time again, that my first years of running were horrid.  I can't even call them years of running. They were purely years of whining with some movement slightly faster than a walk. Then I entered my first race and my goal was to make it to mile 2 and then walk.  Then the goal became to finish a 5k without walking at all.  After that the goal was to do slightly better than I had done the previous race.  Then last year I not only completed a half marathon, but I placed TWICE.  I placed first in my age group at the Dubuque Classic 5k and then I was the first female to finish during the Frosty Frenzy in West Branch.  Talk about a runner's high!  Last year was the perfect year for someone who is competitive. 

 

Unfortunately, being competitive can bite you in the ass at some point.  Well mine has been bitten, because I have spent this ENTIRE year of running being highly disappointed in myself.  I feel as if I need to be running as good,  if not BETTER than last year.  What this does is create a mental block, which does not end well.  Last year's time at the Dubuque Classic 5k:

 

30-34 Age Group

1. Amber Cook 24:41:50

 

I don't think I have broke 25 minutes in a 5k once this year and WHY does it matter?!?! My brain seems to think it matters and I continue to have to fight this horrible way of thinking and will have to get this straightened out by TOMORROW when I run this race again.

 

I also decided to review what my goal for 2012 was on Dailymile.  This is what I wrote:

Miles:

679 total / 303 in 2012

Goal:

To run a PR in a half marathon and to continue to find the joy in running and what it has to offer!

 

What I learned from this research is that NOWHERE did I write that I needed to be as good or better than last year. I did run a PR in a half marathon, but did not continue to find the joy in running and what it has to offer. I have struggled a lot this year with feeling unmotivated and injured and it is time to stop whining and just run, because I can. We all have good days and we all have bad days and that is OK!

 

Overall, being competitive IS a good thing.  It is what helps people become motivated and move forward. I have witnessed so many friends go from thinking, "running sucks" to "hey, I think I kind of like this and I feel better when I do it!" I love reading their progress and hearing their stories, especially what drives them to push harder. It is time for me to find the joy in running and what it has to offer...again.

 



 

Separation Anxiety

Over the weekend my father and I decided we suffer from "Separation Anxiety". In our world, "separation anxiety" occurs when we open up that container of sour cream, chip dip, or yogurt and see that layer of liquid that has separated itself from the actual contents of the container. Once we witness this, we are finished.

Telling us to "just stir it" or "just pour out the liquid" does not help. Makes me gag and inquire, "is this old?" every single time.

Always Looking for Cameras

I often find myself in situations that are often referred to as, "A Seinfeld Episode".  Other times I inquire, "Am I being Punk'd?" and "Are there TV cameras?".  Tonight I searched the rafters of Lindale Mall for television cameras. I couldn't decide if I was on "What Would You Do?", "Punk'd", or "Boiling Point". 

Let's back up. A few months ago I had the unfortunate experience of having one of my eyebrows waxed off.  I always feared this could happen, and sure enough, it did.  I have always thought about getting my eyebrows threaded.  I have walked by the kiosk a few times and wondered what the heck it was all about.  When I shared my eyebrow experience, a Facebook Friend highly recommended threading (you know who you are) and because I take her recommendations with high regards (this is how I ended up with a fabulous hair dresser), I decided tonight would be the night.

I strolled through the mall hoping that little kiosk still existed. I did not see it so I took a look at the directory and realized I had walked past it.  It was no longer a tiny kiosk, but a nice large area that looked like a mini salon!  I walked over to it and there I noticed a notebook. The notebook read (in very messy handwriting), "I will be back in 5 minutes". Below that were two phone numbers to call.  I immediately looked up into the rafters for cameras. I dawdled for quite some time pretending to be interested in whatever I could find on the counter and eventually gave up to browse the kitchen store nearby. After about 10 minutes I noticed another woman standing at the threading station and so I walked over.  She immediately pointed out the oddity and humor of the notebook and I knew it would be worth hanging around to wait.  She seemed like good people. After another 10 minutes she decided she was brave enough to call the top number listed.  Someone answered and when questioned how long it would be she said, "I will be right there. I am downstairs".  I said, "I hope she isn't wasted when she arrives. I might STILL end up with one eyebrow!" After 10 MORE minutes and us looking once again for cameras, the woman decided to call the OTHER number.  After a brief conversation she said, "I think that was the boss!".  I turned to her and said, "Great, now she is going to be wasted AND angry! We will for sure leave without any eyebrows!".  We decided this was our cue to leave. 

Although, I think my cue to leave was the notebook with a handwritten note.

Never Give Up

"But it is crooked!" This is what I heard through tears from the playroom.  Cooper likes to write down all of the dinosaurs that ever lived from A-Z onto his white board.  He does this over and over again. We have stacks of this kind of work completed on individual pieces of paper.  Papers we are forbidden to recycle, despite the fact there are nearly 50 of them. Cooper has caught wind of our slight frustration of having to do something with these pieces of paper, so he has decided to use the white board.  Good problem solving.

This morning Cooper wanted to write smaller. He also created a pattern with his markers to better organize his work.  What started to happen was, each time he wrote a dinosaur name, it started to trail into a downward curve. Each new name was increasingly worse.  Cooper erased his work twice to start over and I am certain his anxiety levels were intensifying with each "do over".  Soon the tears started, so I went into the room.  He said, "I am SO SO frustrated because my work is not straight and it keeps getting worse and worse! Pretty soon it will be a circle!".  I get it. I remember feeling that way and so I tried my best to help and encourage him.  I could have told him what an awesome job he was doing, but compliments do not help when you have a certain picture in your head as to what your project SHOULD look like.

I decided to use an index card to draw straight lines for him to write on.  Cooper was apprehensive because according to him, he should be able to do it the other way, but he tried it.  New tears were accompanied with, "now everytime I write a dinosaur name the side of my hand wipes away part of the lines below and when I fill them in, it doesn't look right!". This plan was not a success.  Meltdown.

"I am just having a really rough morning. I am SO SO frustrated!".  My response was, "maybe you should step away from this for a few moments, get something to eat, and try again later".  Yeah, that didn't work.  In the mind of someone with obsessive compulsive traits, the project is started and must be finished immediately.  I admitted to Cooper that although I remember feeling the way he was, I wasn't sure how to help him.  He said, "I have two options mom. To start ALL over again or just GIVE UP!".   I looked very seriously at him and said, "NEVER give up. That is not an option.  You can start over or find a different way to complete your task".

Cooper took a deep breath and said, "I think what I need is just some paper with lines". I suggested a notebook and thankfully found one.  He labeled the outside, "Cooper's Dinosaur Book" and proceeded to write all of the dinosaurs on earth from A-Z.  No more curved words, no more half erased lines, and no more pieces of paper floating around our house. Despite the drama. I think the morning was a success for now, and for his future.

It's Back....

That is all.